Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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