their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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