I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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