eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
