At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
