y did u give ur computer a hand job?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
