I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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