shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
