it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
