I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize