my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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