So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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