I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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