WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize