I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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