the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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