They should really pass out barf bags in church
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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