There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
