Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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