Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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