Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
