I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
