a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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