But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
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