Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
