My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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