I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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