What did we do last night that was yellow?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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