He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
