I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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