Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize