brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
