I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
