she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize