it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He felt like a one man threesome
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
