my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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