first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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