he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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