She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
