Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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