I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
