It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
