i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
