Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
