So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
