There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
