Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
