"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
