Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
