I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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