I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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