He is an equal opportunity slut.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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