You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
