I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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