Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
