My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i drank out of a bidet.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
