YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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