im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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