pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
