is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
