There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
