I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize