I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
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