I wish I could teleport
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
