Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
