I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize