Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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