You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize