Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
