Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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