my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
