I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
