this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
