Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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