I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize