Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
