Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
one might say we're banned from that church
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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