I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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