i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
