when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
