I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize