There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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