dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
