i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Life without a bra equals bliss.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
