omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
