I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
