Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
