I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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